How To Increase Self Worth
“Your level of self worth dictates how much or how little you will receive in this life.” W. McDonald
Humility, compassion and empathy are very important characteristics when dealing with self worth.
Humility or humbleness is a characteristic we can all learn or improve on. People with low self worth may take it to it's extreme by becoming self effacing, but humility requires us to be totally honest and realistic about our strengths and weaknesses. Being humble makes the statement that we are not special. Again, people with low self worth may practice polarity and conclude that this means we are not unique. That is the paradox; employing the attitude of “I'm not that great” or “I'm nothing special” with the belief that “I am unique” and “there is nobody in the world exactly like me.” Breaking the cycle of grandiose thoughts and images and replacing them with “I'm nothing special” is essential. It's this cycle of grandiosity that helps to maintain low self worth.
Compassion is another essential ingredient to feeling worthy. Normally this was learned from our parents or caregivers from approximately age seven until we reached our mid twenties. Oxford describes it as “pity inclining one to help or be merciful.” I like that definition because it includes a thought and an action. Compassion inspires one to act. I also like the use of the word “pity.” To feel pity for ourselves in the short term is a wonderful gift. Some may feel that pity will turn us into victims, however, if we could feel pity towards ourselves and at some point, move past the identification of ourselves as victims or victim's polar opposite - martyrs, we would be doing ourselves an enormous favour. Society for the most part does not practice compassion and self compassion nearly enough. It is my estimation that compassion and empathy are the most important gauges for functionality in an individual, group or society.
We feel empathy towards others when we try to put ourselves in their position. To think and feel as they would to get a better understanding of their situation. We can also feel empathetic towards ourselves, especially our inner child.
Humility, compassion and empathy will help us break the patterns of our past that have kept us feeling unworthy.
We tend to recycle our traumas from our childhood in our adult situations. Janae and Barry Weinhold in their book, The Flight From Intimacy, refer to these as “trauma dramas.” The Weinhold's conclude that unmet developmental needs recycle over and over again unconsciously in our relationships until we get it right or until that particular need gets met. This will not happen unless we identify our core traumas and express the feelings connected to them. We also need to identify and correct any false beliefs and distortions about ourselves that were given to us by our parents or caregivers. It takes a humble heart to admit our weaknesses and vulnerabilities and to break through the denial of how wonderful our parents may have been. True, no parents are perfect, but that's cold comfort to the child who was abused or neglected.
It will take compassion and empathy to heal our wounded inner child. One must go back in time to when the trauma occurred and feel those feelings. Having compassion for the inner child exposes our self worth.
To set us on the journey of greater self worth, an individual must first identify and remove themselves from any abusive situations (it's important to seek out supportive and caring people), and secondly, deal with his/her addictions. When these two conditions have been met, you have set the stage for employing humility, compassion and empathy.